Y’all. I write about beverages on this blog a lot, but there is one that just has not gotten enough love. Hot chocolate is the drink of the season. It’s cozy in a cup. It’s the only drink that can make you feel both like a kid on a snow day and like a festive adult who has their life somewhat together. (Spoiler alert: I do not. Remember my burst pipe?)
But let’s be real — not all hot chocolate is created equal. Oh no. There are good ones. There are bad ones. People have opinions. And many of them have wrong ones. So today, we’re diving headfirst into the great hot chocolate showdown. Buckle up, because I have a lot to say. (Spoiler #2: White chocolate is the reigning champ. Perfect drink, no notes..)
Classic Milk Chocolate
Okay, so it’s the standard. The OG. The cocoa powder you stirred into hot water as a kid and topped with enough marshmallows to form a flotation device. Classic milk chocolate hot cocoa is a vibe. It’s comfort, it’s simplicity, it’s the sweater of holiday beverages.
But here’s the thing: is it exciting? Does it thrill you? Or is it just… there? Look, I love it. I respect it. But in the hierarchy of hot chocolates, it’s the shallow squats during the warm up in a fitness class.
White Hot Chocolate
Only slightly different but oh so much better. White hot chocolate doesn’t get the love it deserves, and honestly, I’m tired of it. Yes, white chocolate is chocolate. It has chocolate in the name!
Besides, it’s creamy, it’s rich, and it’s the perfect base for holiday experimenting. Feeling fancy? Add a splash of vanilla or almond extract. Feeling festive? Crush some candy canes and sprinkle them on top. Feeling like you need to enter a sugar coma? Whipped cream, caramel drizzle, and chocolate shavings. (They can be “real” chocolate if you insist.)
If regular hot chocolate is a hug, white hot chocolate is the kind of friend who shows up with wine, asks how you’re really doing, and burns shit with you. In a good way.
Gourmet Hot Chocolate
Is my debate actually turning into a tier ranking? Who can say? It’s not like I actually plan these things… maybe you’ve leveled up from your cocoa powder days and are now dropping $12 on a hot chocolate with gold on it. (As you should.)
These are the hot chocolates that come with edible glitter, handmade marshmallows the size of your head, and more toppings than a sundae bar. They’re decadent, they exist for the ‘Gram, but who cares? You have to do it at least once! (Witness my Zoolights post.)
Spiked Hot Chocolate
Actually, speaking of my Zoolights post… This, my friends, is where hot chocolate truly shines. Nothing takes a cozy drink to the next level like a splash of something hard. (Ugh, I need a better word. I’ve been trying to stop calling alcohol “adult” beverages, but this is not the best alternative.)
Okay, sorry for the non-sequitur. What I am trying to say is that if you haven’t tried Screwball Peanut Butter Whiskey in hot chocolate, stop what you’re doing. Right now. Go.
It’s like a Reese’s in a cup. Sweet, boozy, and absolutely perfect. And if peanut butter isn’t your thing (tragic), Baileys, peppermint schnapps, or spiced rum all bring their own holiday magic. Spiked hot chocolate is forgiving, festive, and guaranteed to make even the most aggressively cheesy Christmas movie feel like peak cinema.
Wildcards
You know that I’ll put something doing its own thing at the top of my lists. Spicy Mexican hot chocolate with cinnamon and cayenne? Iconic. Frozen hot chocolate? Chaotic but fun. Vegan-friendly or matcha-infused variations? Absolutely valid.
Do they stick to tradition? No. Are they delicious? Also no. (Just kidding, they’re great. I just feel bad for the cocoa powder people. I dunked on their taste, I can’t let them be the only ones.)
And the Winner Is…?
Please. As if I’m going to pick a winner. At the end of the day, the real winner of the hot chocolate showdown is you. Because you get to drink it all. (Yes, even the weird ones with turmeric.)
So, what’s in your mug this season? Are you a classic cocoa devotee or a fan of the spiked-and-chaotic? Or are you right, and you obsess over white hot chocolate like me? Let me know in the comments.